Somewhere above the Colorado high country tree line, a yellow-bellied marmot is absolutely crushing its summer bulk. Forget beach bods. Marmots are training for nap season by spending all summer aggressively packing on weight so they can sleep through winter, and by August, Colorado’s alpine meadows are basically one big all-you-can-eat buffet.

The Rocky Mountain Biological Laboratory has been tracking this annual chonking for decades, because (this is real science, we checked) how fast a marmot fattens up is a legitimate signal of how alpine ecosystems are handling a warming climate. This year, RMBL turned that research into Fat Marmot Week: a head-to-head public vote to crown Colorado’s chonkiest marmot, while researchers quietly settle the real question, which one actually gained the most mass.

The marmots got their own OnlyFans parody account. And somewhere between the third and fourth headline, we looked at each other and said: we have to brew a beer for this. So we did. A portion of every crowler and pint sale of the ‘OnlyMarms Extra Thicc Double IPA’ goes straight to RMBL’s marmot research, so drinking this beer is, scientifically, an act of climate research support. You’re welcome, science.

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